Oh, Miss Mistry, charming new head of school P.E.,
You do, I confess, have an alarming effect on me!
Skilled at hockey, swimming, rounders and netball, too,
In the staffroom, I can’t keep my eyes off be-shorted you.
Praise be, Lord Krishna, for bringing you here to Kent
From darkest Bradford, just north-west of mystic orient.
Oh, your sweaty brown forearms shine like buttered toast
And oh, those sturdy thighs, juicy no doubt, as Sunday roast –
But these are English images – I’d much rather
Dream of you as a tastier dish: my chick masala!
Let me promise to spoil you so very nicely –
Even if you turn out to be only half as spicey.
Oh, dark and dusky, pretty Miss Preeti Mistry,
Would you, could you, fall for a middle-aged Head of History?
(1994)
Another homage. Betjeman and Larkin are two of my favourite English poets and I learnt much from them both – particularly the value of being concise and using everyday language when occasion calls for it (as it often does).
Like Larkin, Betjeman can also be very funny and there are quite a few of his poems that inspired the one above, but perhaps most notably, ‘A Subaltern’s Love-Song’.
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